The books of May 2012

It’s taking me a while to get around to writing this one. Mostly because I moved last month and I haven’t signed up for internets yet at home. I had to compromise…a night off from watching DVDs and going through stuff for a night with just me and a Word document that I could put on a thumb-drive and transfer to my blog.

In the midst of the packing, moving, unpacking, organizing, perusing, and repacking, I went to see a few movies. I’ll talk about the last viewings first. Men in Black 3 was surprisingly entertaining. For the series, I thought it was a plausible storyline and that Josh Brolin. Holy crap! He really, really studied up on Tommy Lee Jones and did an outstanding job. Plus, you know, Emma Thompson. The woman really just can’t do wrong. Also, it was better than MIB 2…which isn’t saying much.

Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows was kind of a let down. I mean, sure, it was funny in places and it had great music. It certainly had the cheesiness I expected having been a fan of the remake TV series in the early 90s. The original, also supremely cheesy, had its moments, but I never sat down and watched the whole thing…just some of it. That said, it was not a bad movie at all. It just had the sad misfortune of following…THE AVENGERS!

I cannot say enough great things about The Avengers. I saw it more than once and I still can’t narrow it down.  I loved just about everything about it. The storyline? The actors? The dialog? The hotness of the actors? All of it was amazing…HULK SAY ALL OF THINGS ABOUT MOVIE GREAT! The only downside, if you can call it that, is I seem to have developed a massive crush on the villain. Tom Hiddleston’s Loki might be the most charming villain on the big screen.

Wait, this blog is about books, isn’t it? The stuff is supposed to be less word count-y. OK. So I did manage to buy one book because I knew that once I had the place semi in order, I wanted to read it as soon as possible, so I bought Jen Lancaster’s Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner.

This month wasn’t a heavy reading month. The library fulfilled all of my needs…and then when I unearthed a box full of cheesy romance novels, I decided to re-read one of those to round out the month.  I read: The Balkan Escape by Steve Berry (the short story I bought on my Kindle last month), Cosmopolis by Don DeLillo, The Naked Truth: A Memoir by Danielle Staub, Hiding from My Reality: My Story of Love, Loss, and Finding the Courage Within by Taylor Armstrong, Peter and the Vampires (Volume One) by Darren Pillsbury, The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides, Unholy Night by Seth Grahame-Smith, and Hearts Aflame by Johanna Lindsey.

The Balkan Escape was a short adventure of the female lead in the Cotton Malone books by Steve Berry. It's interesting and gives the background for one of the full novels. Cassiopeia meets the Russian who appears as the kidnapped man who they have to save...I think in The Emperor's Tomb? It was actually at the end of the paperback I had read, but at the time, I didn't feel like reading it.

I checked out Cosmopolis because I saw the trailer for the movie that’s coming out…starring everyone’s favorite sparkley, angsty vampire, RPattz. I can see him in this role. The story takes place in a very tech-filled world where information and money and sex seem to be the only outcomes of any situation. Oh, and death, mostly through murder in this book. I can’t say that it’s a book I think I’ll cherish in my memory, but I think it was written to translate extremely well to film. That said, I’m looking forward to seeing how they handle those constant streams of information on the big screen.

Yes, I know. I KNOW. Shut up already. I watch the Real Housewives. I’m not overly particular about what city they need to be from either. I think Jersey and Atlanta are my favorites, but I admit to enjoying the OC and Beverly Hills too. I couldn’t watch DC; New York tends to get on my nerves (especially without Betheny); and Miami was actually too nuts for me (this from the girl who likes Jersey and Atlanta…shocking!). Having seen these shows, I was prepared to be very vocal in my dislike for these books. Danielle Staub’s book was, um, well…it just wasn’t good. It pained me to read it because I could picture her face and could almost smell the lies. I don’t know. Who knows what’s real and what isn’t. But this really seemed like a couple hundred pages to make herself seem like a better person. She did address the Cop Without A Badge book that slammed her in the past…and admitted that she was an addict and an “exotic dancer”, but she frequently bashed the other Jersey housewives without always naming them directly. It was like watching a less entertaining version of the show…based solely on the one character that you don’t really like. I had an entirely different reaction to Taylor Armstrong’s book. She also had issues out the wazoo (where exactly is the wazoo?) and she continually put herself in horrible, horrible male situations. The last one physically and emotionally abusing her so much that if she had stayed any longer, he probably would’ve ended up killing her instead of himself. It was a very sad story, but it had a slight uplift to it. She seems to have learned how to ask for help and how to cope with things she didn’t think she could. So, color me surprised, but overall it was a decent read.

Peter and the Vampires (Volume One) is a collection of Pillsbury's kids stories about Peter, his mom, his little sister, his best friend Dill, and his grandfather. There were four stories. The first, Peter and the Dead Men, was about burned zombies who live in the garden. The second was Peter and the Vampires...the vampires being two girls from Peter's class, one who is weird and has a crush on Peter. The third one is Peter and The Changeling. While Peter and Dill are watching Peter's little sister, she gets switched with a troll. The fourth one was Peter and the Swamp Monster. Peter and Dill went to a water park and ended up in the swamp and having to face a monster. These are all very cute and I'd recommend the series for tweens.

The Marriage Plot. I was on the waiting list for this book since last October. And here’s the thing...a month later, I remember that I read it, but not much else. I know that I laughed some…and I got into the story well. It was better than Middlesex, which I did not like at all, but perhaps not as good as The Virgin Suicides (loved it!). So far, Eugenides and I are having a love/hate relationship. But he’s a master at the game…he takes long enough to write the next one that I forget if I liked the last one much or not. Sorry if you were looking for an actual review of this one…I really…OH! Wait. I do remember and I did like it. It was the girl who dated the guy with schizophrenia or something and he had to take lithium and he didn’t like the religious studies guy who was crushing on his girl. The religious studies guy eventually went to India and shaved his head. It’s a good book…but not for everyone. I think there’s something about his style that both draws and repels me…hence the whole love/hate thing.

I was really excited about Unholy Night. I loved Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter! I love how he takes these known “histories” (one being historical fiction and one being real history about a real person) and slips all the supernatural stuff in like it totally belongs there. You want to slap your forehead and say, “D’oh! Of course he was a vampire hunter! Of course vamps over-run the south and the government. Totally fits! Slave as blood donors? Well duh!” And I’ll stop before I put in a big spoiler for those who haven’t read it. Suffice it to say, those two books are genius to me.  So I checked out his latest book, Unholy Night. This one was about how the three wisemen were actually three of the worst criminals and they ended up escaping certain death and escorting Jesus, Mary, and Joseph to a safe destination. There wasn’t really a lot of supernatural in this one…perhaps why I wasn’t as fond of it. There were some zombie-like things, but mostly it was soldiers and small miracles. Which, you know, is cool and all, but it didn’t translate as well as the other books. My best advice here is that if you really want to read a different take on biblical stories, please buy (don’t check it out because you’ll want to keep it on your shelf) Christopher Moore’s Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal instead. It is hysterical.

While I was unpacking, I found a box full of cheesy, milky-white-shouldered and bared-male-chested covered books. Ah, romance novels. You’re all so stupid, but we all read you anyway. My freshman year of college, a friend from home work in the public library. She was shelving in the romance section and was intrigued by the cover of Johanna Lindsey’s Hearts Aflame. She read the first chapter. She photocopied that first chapter and checked out the book. While reading the book, she sent me the photocopy and after reading the one chapter, I made a special trip to the used bookstore and got my own copy of the book. I’ve been a fan of her books ever since. They’re formulaic, but witty. And since this was the first one I’d ever read, I didn’t get the formula. I just thought, “Vikings” and “Hot”. If you’re ever in the mood for a romance novel that would never ever happen in a billion years, please check out one of hers…maybe one of the early Malory novels. The men are all handsome and brawny rogues and the women are all strong-willed, smart, and beautiful. There will be a conflict between them to keep them apart, but they’ll find ways around it…and in that case, the journey is always hot. Enjoy!